Part 1 of 2
If your children do not need specific guidelines to use their phones, tablets, and computers in a safe and healthy way, then I recommend setting as few rules as possible.
Imposing restrictions may lead to a problematic future relationship with video games. Prohibiting something can make it more desirable. Having unrestricted access to candy and sweets during my upbringing contributed to a healthy relationship with sugar. Friends denied treats at home would often visit and overindulge at my house.
I casually enjoyed candy in moderation, while my friends who considered it a rare treat, tended to indulge whenever they could. I suspect that they may have struggled to control their sugar intake when they left for college.
Many of these same friends would sit mesmerized in front of our TV for hours. They had not built up an immunity to television’s powerful allure and felt they needed to take advantage of the opportunity.
Research supports this: children ages 5 to 11 whose parents restricted sweets at home showed a greater emotional response to advertisem*nts for unhealthy food than those whose parents allowed candy.
In another study, children ages 5 and 6 were given bowls of yellow and red M&Ms and potato chips. Half were instructed not to eat the red ones. When provided with the same snacks later, those children ate more of the red snacks than those who were allowed to the first time. In both experiments, children appeared to place more value on food simply because it was forbidden.
Ideally, young people should use screens as they choose, finding a balance in their time. This helps them learn to set and adjust their own rules for the future.
How I Help Families Set Rules
Some young people need guidelines to learn moderation. When necessary, I recommend that parents and children collaborate on a set of rules for screen time. In my experience, children as young as 6-7 can surprise their parents by agreeing to or even suggesting reasonable standards. Additionally, children and teens are much more likely to follow rules they helped create.
Many of my clients argue frequently with their parents about screen time. I typically address this by setting up a meeting with the child and their parents. During this meeting, I ask the child what they think the screen-time rules should be.
In my experience, most children initially suggest about one to two hours per day. Upon hearing this, their parents glance at me, surprised. They had expected a fight. At this point, we can begin the process of refining the guidelines.
Some children do contend that there should be no restrictions. In these very rare cases, I ask the child to think of peers who spend too much time in front of the TV or gaming system. Each child has been able to name a friend who they think has a problematic relationship with screens. “So obviously there is such a thing as too much,” I point out. They agree. Once the child agrees that rules should exist, I generally start by asking them how they would handle screen time if they were a parent.
“Let’s say you were a parent and you had a thirteen-year-old kid who spends five hours a day gaming. They’re not doing their homework and they’re failing a couple classes. What would you do?” I’m not trying to trick the child, they know that I’m referring to their current situation. Even so, hearing the question reframed this way usually helps them understand their parents’ perspective and think creatively.
I recommend working collaboratively with your children when establishing or changing rules around screen time. Most parents can start this conversation by telling them why they feel it’s time for a change, then ask for their children’s perspective.
- “You’re getting older and I think you’re ready to have some more freedom. Let’s figure out what that could look like.”
- “It seems like you’re spending a lot of time online and I’ve noticed your grades are slipping. We think it’s time to set some limits on screen time. Where do you think we should start?”
- “I’ve noticed that we’ve all been spending too much time on our phones recently. What do you think we should do about it?”
It’s important to carefully define your own values before having this conversation. Why do you want your children to have time away from screens? Do you want them to be more social or are you concerned for their physical health? What should count as screen time? A Zoom call with Grandma? A YouTube video about yoga poses?
Internet Addiction Essential Reads
How Your Partner Can Finally Tame Their Phone Use
Screen Time Doesn’t Have to Mean Scream Time
In part two, I will share a number of questions for you to consider as you set guidelines for your family and rules I recommend for everyone. Read part two here.
References
Binder, A., Naderer, B., & Matthes, J. (2020). A "forbidden fruit effect": An eye-tracking study on children's visual attention to food marketing. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 17(6). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7142814/
FAQs
Be firm in the screen time limits you set and allow them to use it as they please within that boundary. Allow them to earn extra time by completing tasks or finishing chores. Hearth Display can help you track these routines and rewards , so the “yes” or “no” doesn't even have to come from you.
How do I limit screen time for family? ›
- Open the Family Link app .
- Select your child.
- Tap Controls. App Limits.
- Select your desired App.
- Tap Set limit .
- Select the amount of time you want to allow your child access to the given app.
- Tap Done.
Encourage unplugged, unstructured playtime. Create tech-free zones or times, such as during mealtime or one night a week. Discourage use of media entertainment during homework. Set and enforce daily or weekly screen time limits and curfews, such as no exposure to devices or screens one hour before bedtime.
How much screen time should a 13 year old have? ›
Screen time can impact on myopia development and progression, and is also linked to dry eye syndrome, digital eyestrain, and poor head and neck postures which can cause pain. Teenagers are recommended to have no more than 2 hours of sedentary, recreational screen time per day.
Is 4 hours of screen time bad? ›
There is no magic number of hours for recommended screen time for adults; however, there is clear evidence that too much screen time can be detrimental to your health.
How much screen time for a 12 year old? ›
Yousuf said pediatricians generally recommend the following guidelines: Under 2 years old: Zero screen time, except for video chatting with family or friends. 2-5 years old: No more than one hour per day co-viewing with a parent or sibling. 5-17 years old: Generally no more than two hours per day, except for homework.
Why is screen time bad? ›
Excessive screen usage can also lead to problems in social-emotional development, including obesity, sleep disturbances, depression, and anxiety. It can impair emotional comprehension, promote aggressive behavior, and hinder social and emotional competence.
Is 7 hours of screen time ok? ›
Added together, all types of screen time can total 5 to 7 hours a day. Too much screen time can: Make it hard for your child to sleep at night. Raise your child's risk for attention problems, anxiety, and depression.
Is 2 hours of screen time ok? ›
The American Academy of Pediatrics discourages media use by children younger than 2 and recommends limiting older children's screen time to no more than one or two hours a day.
Is 7 hours of screen time bad? ›
How Much Screen Time is Too Much? While there's no universal answer to this question, spending seven hours or more on screens daily could potentially harm your eyes.
After about 12 months of the child's phone ownership (give or take), checking phones needs to fade, and ongoing open communication needs to become the mainstay. At this older stage, parents should have frequent, open discussions with their children about online safety, respect and responsibility.
Is 3 hours screen time bad? ›
Remember that it should not interfere with learning, relationships, family time, physical activity, playtime or sleep. Excessive screen time can affect both the physical and mental health of an individual. 2 hours of screen time is acceptable on school days and can be dragged up to 3 hours during the weekend.
At what age is screen time OK? ›
For children 2-5, limit non-educational screen time to about 1 hour per weekday and 3 hours on the weekend days. For ages 6 and older, encourage healthy habits and limit activities that include screens. Turn off all screens during family meals and outings. Learn about and use parental controls.
Does TV count as screen time? ›
Passive screen time is more consumptive. Playing video games, using mindless apps on a phone or tablet, or watching TV (Swinson, 2018). Resnick (2018a) describes passive screen time as having an anti-social impact. We sit and get sucked into our screen without interacting with those around us.
Why shouldn't parents limit screen time? ›
When it's restricted your child is more likely to binge, hyper-focus, get anxious or sneak time when you're not watching. They can never fully relax and enjoy their play or viewing because they will be worried that it will be taken away.
Is 6 hours of screen time bad for eyes? ›
As it turns out, staring at our phones, tablets and laptops for too many hours a day is not good for our eyes. It can cause symptoms of digital eye strain, which stems from the hard work our eyes have to put in while navigating a screen.
How do I set time limits on Family Sharing? ›
If you manage a child account using Family Sharing
- Go to Settings > Screen Time.
- Scroll down and choose the child's name under Family.
- Follow the onscreen instructions to set up the Screen Time settings that you want for the child.
- Enter a Screen Time passcode when prompted. Re-enter the passcode to confirm.
Between 18 and 24 months screen time should be limited to watching educational programming with a caregiver. For children 2-5, limit non-educational screen time to about 1 hour per weekday and 3 hours on the weekend days. For ages 6 and older, encourage healthy habits and limit activities that include screens.
Should parents put a limit on screen time? ›
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends avoiding screens for children younger than 18 to 24 months, except when video chatting with family. The AAP also recommends limiting screen use for preschool children, ages 2 to 5, to just one hour a day of high-quality programming (think Sesame Street or PBS).
